bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize
