I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Someone signed my nipple.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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