There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize