Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
