just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
