he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
