You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Just invented taco cereal.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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