it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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