I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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