yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
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it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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