i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Boobs are out for the taking
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
