Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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