i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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