And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
