we'll go far in life on tits alone.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
