I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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