Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
