And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
