smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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