My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
