The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
