My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
