Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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