This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
