Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
