from now on my penis is your penis
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
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Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
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A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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