you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
