So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
