I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
