Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
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