so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
My feet surprised me
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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