i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
That's when you crack a 10am beer
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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