Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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