thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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