she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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