I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
