If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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