Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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