youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
