I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
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Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
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Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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