I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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