im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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