I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
