turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
