There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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