I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
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I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
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you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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