Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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