we're blogging at a bar
You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
