He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
