I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
