Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
