Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
