I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
