I faked an abortion last night.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
a search helicopter?!
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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