Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
