Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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