Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
