One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
