Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
