I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
if i can run in heels then i can drive
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
