I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
