THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
