Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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