The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
