Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
