Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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