I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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