Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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