i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
