Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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