My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
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He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
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while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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