he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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