just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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