We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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