I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
True college students do jello shots in the library
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
