hotel room ftw
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
